Weight Loss: War vs. Journey

In 2005 I weighed 200 pounds. I have lost 70 pounds. 

Both of those statements seem ridiculous to me. The first because I vividly remember the day I weighed in at Curves in Auburn; I immediately felt all 200 pounds crashing down. The second because I never intended to lose 70 pounds.


So when I started to contemplate this post, I couldn't decide whether war or journey aptly described the past 10 years. 

War: a sustained effort to deal with or end a particular unpleasant or undesirable situation or condition.
Journey: a long and often difficult process of personal change and development.

I am definitely going with war. Journey sounds nice and poetic, but let's be clear, losing weight is a WAR. It is a war with your mind, your body and your relationship with food and sometimes other people. 

Circa 2007-ish. Weighing in at around 180-185. 

Dad and I's engagement party (2007). 

When you decide you have to change your body, it starts with a "diet." Eat less, drink less; workout more, sleep more. For some people it starts with a pill or shot or prepared/packaged foods. Either way is fine; neither way is sustainable. 

In it for the long haul and want to win the war? Get ready..."sustained effort" is part of what defines a war. When it comes to losing weight and getting healthy, a sustained effort is THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. There will be times of peace, when you are happy in your workout routine and in a good rhythm of eating healthy and maintaining portion control. Then there are the battles...when cake seems to be taunting you and french fries are your complex carbohydrate. 

Vegas 2009, slimmed down but still around 150.

I am an emotional eater...so every emotion I feel is better served with food. In my better times I control this well by eating healthy foods and proper portions. In stressful times, I have to refrain from sitting on the couch with a carton of ice cream after scarfing down half a pizza, with a salad on the side. Can I get another glass of wine, please? 

Luckily, I have a supportive husband and a good workout routine that helps keep me motivated. My goal is not to lose anymore weight, but maintain and feel good about what I eat and feed my family. 

Fall 2011, goal weight achieved around 135.

And I have gained tons of tips and tricks over the past 10 years. I think the best tips I can offer are - 

1. Be prepared - plan your meals, including snacks, drinks and desserts.

2. Eat smart - the biggest eye opener to me was calorie counting. Working to lose weight does not mean you have to starve. 

I'd love to share more about the changes I made in the last 10 years to get me where I am today. Feel free to reach out with questions or comments! 

July 2014, steady at around 130 for 3-4 years now...minus pregnancy #1 and #2. 

*Note: I wrote this article months ago, but am just now happy with the content. Since I am currently 23 weeks pregnant my food and workout regimen have been altered accordingly, but have not changed drastically. 

Just Keep Moving

Grief is a funny thing. Not "funny, HAHA" but more like "WTF was that."

You always hear that everyone grieves in their own way and in stages. But what we don't talk a lot about is the fact that each and every moment of the day can be different. You can be bopping along and then all of the sudden - WHAM - sadness, anger, confusion, guilt, etc. take over. Sometimes it takes just another moment to regain composure, while other times it takes days to recover...for things to seem "normal" again. The triggers are all different and unexpected. Smells, sound, music, a person's laugh, a happy memory, a difficult time, a fun experience, or just the same mundane drive to work.

I had hoped the randomness of the grief I experience around my mom's death would subside as time passed. Daily life has gotten easier, but the emotional washes still arise. Having a full schedule - husband, toddler, work - keep me going because "I've got to, MISTER!" (Skip to 1:38 in video clip below for reference)

There is no stopping for an hour to have a mental breakdown, and I thought of this as a good thing for me. Then I realized about six months after my mom passed away that this might not be healthy because my grief started to erupt more frequently and manifest in varying ways. 

Acknowledging the grief in those moments has helped me deal with it and keep moving. Not move past it or move on, but just keep moving. 

I occasionally read random articles...OK that's a stretch, I read random articles every day. A few days ago I found one that was of particular interest to me - 20 Things I Wish Someone Told Me About Grief. All of these are true for me and I do wish I knew them before; not that it would have helped that much. Just reading them made me feel better. Here are a few I found poignant:

1. We don't actually get over losses. We absorb them, and they redirect us into a more grounded way of living. 

5. There isn’t always a spiritual aha moment or a reason. Sometimes, it just is what it is. 

7. Anger is normal. Feel it. Embrace it. Allow it to work through you. ::Big one for me. This was an emotion I didn't expect::

12. There is no such thing as normal when it comes to grieving. Be patient and kind to yourself. 

14. You will never go back to being your “old” self.

**NOTE: The writer of the article lost her childhood dog before writing this piece. That made me giggle.

Are you going to eat that?

Since becoming pregnant for the second time, I have noticed a lot of differences from the first go-round. Some of them include: 

1. I am significantly more tired. 
2. I am significantly more hungry. I would like for most of my meals to consist of junk...cinnamon rolls, waffles, pizza, hamburgers, pasta, chicken fingers, french fries, cookies, ice cream, cake. I wouldn't even call them cravings. But I am trying to hold on to my health-eating habits to give the baby the nutrients he needs. 
3. My body hurts. Is it the fact that I am a couple years older, or that the past three years have seen so much change? Like the fact that I don't sit down other than when I am at work or after B has gone to bed. 
4. I tend to forget I am pregnant. Maybe forget is the wrong word, but I don't expect people to treat me differently or notice and comment on my belly. 
5. My belly is bigger and it happened faster. I was in complete denial about this happening to me. I was in better shape before this pregnancy than the first...how is this possible?!? And I have only taken one belly photo. Need to get on that. 

   

   Week 23 while pregnant with B.

6. I forget to mention things about how or what I am feeling, like telling Dad when the baby is kicking so he can enjoy it as well! 
7. My doctor's appointments are much shorter; there is no laundry list of questions. 
8. I haven't bought anything...not, one, thing. Oh, but we did decide on a nursery theme.

   

   Something like these will be featured in the nursery, thanks to my talented cousin, Kate!

9. I actually know EXACTLY what I need to put on a registry. But can I make a registry or is that tacky for baby #2? 
10. I look at B differently. I remember him as a little tiny baby and am astonished at how quickly the time as gone by. I feel so grateful for the infant that he was and the toddler he has become. Sure we had our ups and downs with breastfeeding...and today with real food; he had seemingly senseless crying fits and now has pointless tantrums; he has always been a mommy-leach and is terrible at sharing with other children. These are normal things, nothing crazy, he is such a sweet kid. 

    

    Sweet, tiny B with such a serious face. 

11. I am excited about giving birth to another child. What is that about?! I actually enjoyed the experience of giving birth the first time around. I am interested to see what is in store for us this time! And now I realize, I never blogged my birth story. That will be coming soon...

    

    One of the first pictures after delivery.

12. Seeing the picture above reminds me that I need to pack better PJs and accessories for the hospital. Well, not just pack them, I will have to purchase them first!
13. I have concerns about maternity leave. Last time I was excited and, to be honest, I didn't particularly enjoy maternity leave. I felt trapped (see previous post), useless and bored. Now that I know what to do with myself, I am anxious to see how this one goes. I am determined to take the full time allotted in the U.S. (12 weeks, which is crap) and to make the most of the time with my new son and expanded family. I am also worried because it will be the DEAD of winter! I had beautiful blue skies and warm temps last time.
14. I could just really use some wine, damn it.
15. All food is fair game. No, I don't eat raw sushi on a weekly basis, but I am not going to shy away from it. And that list of fish you aren't supposed to have? Everything in moderation, including a raw oyster or two. 

    

    Steak Tartare from Doris Metropolitan in NOLA. I couldn't pass that up! 

16. It's hard for me to imagine what baby #2 will look like, without picturing B. Now that I have a child that looks a specific (adorable) way, what will the next one look like?

    

    THAT FACE.

17. I haven't read many pregnancy articles...OK, any. I do have the app that gives me weekly updates on the babies growth and development. I look at it every other week...usually. And we won't do a baby class. 
18. I realized last week that we have little time to do activities just the three of us. So this weekend we went to Auburn to take B to his first football game, just the three of us. Because next year, it will be all four of us!

    

    Tailgating in the fall of 2011.

B was not impressed by this week's performance. 

On the Move: Furniture Shopping

Since moving in to our new house, we do a lot of furniture shopping. Sometimes it's more like furniture perusing considering the amount of items we still need to purchase. Dad and I prefer to shop together because we both need to be involved in the decision, so where Dad and I go, so comes B!

This has been interesting considering the amount of items most furniture stores contain and the fact that many of those items are fragile and don't need toddler snot strewn across them.

Checking out our new sectional for the basement. Note the snacks on the table.

Luckily, he has been decently behaved and left all furniture in its original state. No scratches, dirt stains, milk, or snack residue left behind. 

But furniture shopping is tedious and boring. We have looked at innumerable coffee tables and just can't seem to find the perfect one. This usually comes from a difference of opinion between mom and dad. I usually have something pretty specific in mind, or at least I think I do, until I see the options and become instantly overwhelmed. Dad has a harder time because he can't picture anything in the space unless it looks like what we had previously. He likes to ask about the return policy before any purchase...ya know, just in case. Fortunately, we have yet to return anything! 

Seen previously, our new kitchen table from Nadeau. B loves the bench, Dad was super nervous about the "no return" policy.

Otherwise, there is a lot of wandering and staring. And so the convo goes. 

Well, what do you think? Do you like the color? What about the size...is it too small? Do you think it will fit the other way? What if we moved the other end table over? Could we use the thing in your parents attic? Oh, I have an idea, what do you think about...

This is in between chasing B - who discovered bunk beds are AWESOME - and fending off sales people! We clearly won't be getting bunk beds until both boys are old enough to handle them. And we won't be purchasing anything from the saleswoman who asked if he had chocolate on his face. No, it's a boo-boo. What kind of people would we be letting our kid in a furniture store with chocolate on his face?!? She then said, "be sure he doesn't scratch it, they get itchy during the healing process." Which I translated to mean "be sure he doesn't scratch it and get blood on our new furniture...OK, thanks."

B found a chair for himself at Nadeau (not on the furniture list). Note the "chocolate" on his lip.

The search continues. The next items on the list include a coffee table, new end tables, recovering chairs (don't want to think about selecting fabric), art for above the couch, nursery decor, and a bedroom suite for B's room (probably coming from Nonna and Poppy's house). 

Post furniture-shopping fun in the new ENO from cousins Chris and Debbie!

Update...better later than never!

It's been a while since I wrote a blog post. It's sort of embarrassing considering how strong I started, but it's hard to keep the momentum and inspiration. I take that back, the inspiration for content is there, the inspiration to sit down and write is not always close behind. 

So much has happened in our world since my last post. Let's see...

• I went to LA for work for 10 days. It was such a great professional experience and I hope I get to do it again. Dad came to visit for a couple of nights which was really nice considering I didn't get to see him as much as I would have liked! We got to stay in a beautiful hotel, eat good food, and spend a bit of time together.  

Mini monkey bread for dessert after lunch at Salt Air in Venice. Divine! 

View from my room at the Fairmont Santa Monica. 

• We decided to start trying for baby #2. This proved to be a bit more difficult than we had intended, but after a visit to our specialist, Dr. Malizia at Alabama Fertility Specialists, we were able to conceive after only one round of Clomid. On what would have been my mom's 59th birthday, July 14, we found out we were having another little boy! 

B is ready for football season.

I think he gets his sweet tooth from me. Has to eat the icing first!

• We put our house on the market, sold it after about four months, and bought a new one! We lived with the fantastic Nonna and Poppy (my in-laws) for three weeks in between and moved in to the new house on July 2. It is HUGE - comparatively - and we will never move again. We have just the space we need and moving is not fun, especially during your first trimester of pregnancy. Big kudos to super Dad for basically doing it all himself, and my MIL who is an expert packer!

  

  We had a ton of people come thru our house. But we found the right buyer with the help of the Josh Vernon Group! 

  
  

  

  B loves the new kitchen table from Nadeau! He has breakfast on the bench, and dinner on the end left chair. 

• We have been on several lovely vacations, including two beach trips to Orange Beach with family and a parent's getaway/Dad's work convention to New Orleans. We also made it to Gulfport for Memorial Day to celebrate Aunt Lala's birthday, and tell the family that we were pregnant! 

  

  At Fisher's in Orange Beach (April 2015).

  

  In Orange Beach before heading to dinner (July 2015).

  

  Roasted cauliflower and bone marrow at Domenica in NOLA. 

  
  

  

  Muffaletta, salad, pulled pork sandwich and Brussels at Cochon Butcher in NOLA.

  
  

  

  French toast, scotch egg, and boudin and grits for brunch at Angeline in NOLA.

• Barrett turned TWO! Life with B has been entertaining and honestly, fun! Several months ago he hit a point where he was very difficult to wrangle. He wanted to touch, pull, grab, push, and hit everything. He is incredibly inquisitive, which I love, but can be maddening at times. Then one day I realized he wasn't so much like that anymore. He seemed more comfortable with his surroundings and aware of what things were, so he was less compelled to investigate every item and/or place. On a daily basis he learns or says something new. I still don't understand what any of the words mean, but they are coming. Family meals are fun because he enjoys them, encouraging us to "sit, mom!" and "sit, dad!" Next step...lose the pacifier at night time (already gone from naps thanks to school!) and upgrade to a twin bed. We will need that crib for when baby #2 gets here in January!

  

  Blowing out his birthday candles!

Right on track

This past weekend was a nice mix of quiet time, productive activities, friends and family. Friday night Dad and I made pizza and hung with B - who is cutting teeth and didn't nap all day...it was a touch-and-go evening. Saturday we cleaned out the master closet in preparation to put our house on the market then went to a surprise anniversary party for one of our best friend's parents. Sunday I packed for my 10 day trip to LA and my dad, sister and brother-in-law came over to watch football.

While at dinner Saturday night I was chatting with a BFF about her New Year's resolutions. On that list was the resolution to stop comparing her 10-month-old son to other children and not obsessing over his developmental progression.

Technologically advanced?

We have all been there. From the moment they are born you wait for the first poop, wet diaper, smile, laugh, etc. You read the development books, download the accompanying apps, consult with your pediatrician, ask your parents for reference and interrogate friends with babies remotely comparable in age. And then there is social media...

We had several walkers that really helped him learn to walk.

It's hard not to focus all your attention on this with the research indicating that 1 in 200 children are autistic...or wait, is it 1 in 90 now?! I can't keep up. And I did and do all of this. It took me a while to realize that the precious creature I birthed is fine and, honestly, not particularly exceptional. 

He sat up by himself at around 7 months, crawled a little after 9 months, walked about two weeks after his first birthday. I cannot understand a single thing he says besides Mama and Dada. He prefers french fries, chicken fingers and fish sticks to grilled chicken, veggies and fruits. He has an attitude, he has hit me in the face (and laughed), he likes to throw things and whines incessantly if he doesn't get his way.

Sometimes the pacifier and blanket have to brought out before nap/bed time.

Now for the typical mommy-blogger wrap up...I love him, can't imagine life without him, and he has changed my world for the better. DUH, he is my child. I carried him for 37 weeks, bore him without the help of drugs, milked myself like a cow for his nutritional benefit and think about him at every waking moment.

Just loading up the spoon with oatmeal.

And he is normal and I couldn't ask for more. So like my friend I am going to make an effort to relax and let him progress at his own pace. We will see how I do when he brings home his first report card, starts playing sports, or takes up a musical instrument.

Or forget the spoon, the oatmeal tastes better on my fingers!

It could be worse...

"It could be worse," said Dad on day two of our recent vacation to Turks and Caicos. I quickly responded with, "It couldn't be much better." To which he chimed back, "...but it could be worse." 

We were both right. It could have been worse...we could have been at work back in Alabama where the weather was around 40 degrees. But it really couldn't have been much better. I mean, this conversation took place here:

The most clear water and softest sand ever. 

 See what I mean? 

From the edge of the pool, overlooking a dining patio and then the beach.

This was our first vacation alone since Mr. B arrived. I missed him every day, especially when I saw the other kiddos that were staying at our resort. But let me be honest, while I missed him I was glad he wasn't there. 

We have arrived!

We slept in, enjoyed a leisurely breakfast, sat on the beach watching the turquoise water roll in, took long walks in the velvety sand, sipped on adult beverages over an extended lunch, napped by the pool, toasted ourselves at the hotel bar before venturing out for dinner, noshed on local grilled lobster, slipped on the bedroom slippers left for us by the turn down service before enjoying the chocolate placed on the bed. Repeat that for five days and you will feel like a new person. And even appreciate your opinionated and rapidly growing toddler for the amazing little human that he is. 

Beach bar at its best.

Our favorite lunch spot - The Somewhere Cafe

Most importantly, Dad and I got to spend some uninterrupted time together and make memories. I won't say that we needed it, we are lucky to have a fantastic support system of family members who actually ask to babysit so we can have date night. But it was really great to have. Whether we were talking about how life has changed in the past year, debating whether to have a pina colada or gin and tonic, or sitting in silence staring at the scenery, it was a nice reminder that we have each other and are in it together. And we are fortunate enough to really like it that way.   

The other side of the pool from the water-side bed.

The resort was beautiful at night, complete with Christmas lights!

After a trek to lunch, enjoying the walk and the company. 

Location: Turks and Caicos

Resort: The Regent Palms

Favorite Restaurants:

Somewhere Cafe & Lounge

Mr. Grouper's Restaurant

Le Bouchon

Mango Reef

Bay Bistro